The Curse of the Blue Jello
by StargateNerd
Summary: The compiled blue jello stories. You are welcome to request more featuring the blue jello. In fact, I encourage it! My muses have been slow lately.
1. Chapter 1

Colonel John Sheppard sat gloomily in the Atlantis commissary. Nothing was going right for him. He couldn't find his golf clubs, Dr. Weir had outlawed paintball, and he couldn't even get anybody to play cards with him! He looked up as Ronon sat down across from him with some blue jello.

"Tough day, huh?" Ronon asked.

"Yeah," John admitted. "I can't play any sports or anything. I can't even get anyone to play cards with me! I don't understand it."

"You're probably just in a slump. It happens. Cheer up. Maybe the Wraith will stage an attack on some peaceful people, and then we can go beat the crap out of the life-sucking idiots. That's always fun." The jello made an annoying sound as Ronon slurped it up.

Sheppard winced. "Do you have to do that? I don't like the sound jello makes. It makes me feel all...creepy."

"Fine," the huge man pouted. "I'll go eat my jello elsewhere." Ronon stomped off, blue jello in hand.

"What's gotten into him?" Rodney McKay asked as Ronon bumped into him on his way towards Sheppard's table.

"Haven't a clue," the colonel said. He inwardly groaned. Rodney was the reason Dr. Weir had outlawed paintball in the first place. McKay had said it was "too dangerous" after playing a game with Sheppard in an old, abandoned part of the city. For crying out loud, it's just paint! And it washes off, too! Sure it might hurt a little, but from the way the condescending scientist described it, you would think it was life-threatening! He snapped back to the present. Hmm, time for a little mischief. "Hey, Merideth, you hear what's for lunch today?"

McKay frowned. "I thought I told you not to call me that. And what do I care what's for lunch?"

Col. Sheppard smiled enticingly. "It's your favorite."

Rodney perked up. "Tuna fish?"

"No, it's lemon meringue pie, decked with grapefruit, lemon, and orange. Plenty of vitamin C." McKay squeaked, then set off at a run to seek refuge among his non-citrus stash of snacks. John sat back in his chair, feeling a little better for having made Rodney miserable, or at least deathly afraid. Beckett sat down next to him with a bowl of blue jello. Sheppard groaned. "Not you too! Enough with the blue jello already! I can't take it anymore!" He stormed out of the mess hall.Carson looked confused.

"Was it something I did?" he wondered aloud, taking a nice, looong slurp of his blue jello.


	2. Chapter 2

Colonel John Sheppard was on a mission. He had to destroy all the blue jello, before it was too late! It taunted him, keeping just out of reach. Finally, he formulated a plan through which his goal could be acquired.He would sneak into the commissary, then pack all the jello he could find into hollowed-out golf balls. Then he would be able to dispose of them quietly by playing golf. Mwahahaha!

He looked around cautiously, very much aware of the eyes on him. OK, so it was probably a mistake, laughing evilly out loud. "Oh! Sorry, Teyla." Bumping into Teyla accidentally had brought him back to the task at hand.

"Are you all right, Colonel Sheppard?" the Athosian asked, concerned. "You seem somewhat preoccupied."

"Nah, I'm okay, Teyla. I just haven't been sleeping well lately. I think it's getting to be that time of year," he added.

"What time of year, Col. Sheppard?" Teyla asked, somewhat confused. The dark-haired man tried to explain.

"Well, sometimes I get all nervous and anxious and I can't sleep well. I don't know why it happens. Sometimes it makes me zone out. My doctor says that it might have something to do with the seasons and my neural synapses."

Teyla nodded, looking like she got it, which she didn't. John had to give her credit, though. She was pretty good at faking.Again, he withdrew inside, perfecting his plot. Heh heh, soon the jello would be gone, and he could live in peace once again! Mwahahahaha!

He was bombarded with more odd looks, as he had laughed out loud evilly, again. Sheppard quickly made his way to his quarters, intent on perfecting his plan where he wouldn't be disturbed, or disturb others. Oh, yes, this would indeed be the downfall for jello! The somewhat obsessed colonel chuckled evilly, but not out loud. Soon, his time would come!


	3. Chapter 3

Night fell upon the city, its inhabitants unaware of the event that was about to happen.

Colonel John Sheppard crept quietly down to the mess hall, a bag of huge golf balls slung across his back. A small chuckle escaped as he gleefully considered his plan to rid the city of all jello.

By this time, Sheppard had reached the mess hall. Military training took over as he crept through the silent room. Quiet was the very essence of his being. Caution was of the utmost importance now in the final stages of the plan.

Five minutes later, he was in the supplies room. Quickly, John found the jello boxes. Gleefully, he opened a box, pouring the contents into a hollow golf ball. A bit later, the task was completed. The jello would bother him no more! Mwahaha! He adjourned for the night.

The next morning, John Sheppard awoke a new man. No more blue jello, yay!! He was free from it!The relieved colonel walked into the commissary for breakfast. He approached the table Ronon was sitting at. He stopped, then stared in horror at the food in his friend's bowl.

Ronon looked up. "Hey," he said casually. All of a sudden he noticed Sheppard's expression of horror. "Sheppard, what's wrong?"

John finally managed to say, "Where did you get that jello?"

"Oh, this?" Ronon asked, gesturing towards his bowl. "I have my own private stash. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, just fine," the colonel said, dazed. He walked out, forgetting all about breakfast. No! It was mocking him, taunting him, telling him it couldn't be beat. He had been so close! Noooo!A new determination suddenly flowed through him. He, Colonel John Sheppard of the U.S. Air Force, would defeat his enemy. He would not rest until it was obliterated!


End file.
